7 Steps to Healthier Coparenting After Divorce
Coparenting after divorce can feel overwhelming, especially if conflict has been high. This guide offers seven practical steps to ease tension, rebuild trust and help your children feel secure as you both adjust to new routines.
Listen to our podcast episode, ‘Divorced, Now What?’ for a deep-dive on how to move forward after divorce.
1. Start by lowering expectations
After the paperwork ends, many parents expect to “move on” quickly. In reality, everyone is adjusting. Focus on small, realistic goals such as keeping conversations calm or maintaining predictable routines.
2. Be kind to yourself before you try to fix the relationship
The early months are emotionally draining. Give yourself permission to rest and recover. Take small steps that show progress, like unpacking your new space or planning one enjoyable day with your children. When you feel steadier, cooperation becomes easier.
3. Show your children what coping looks like
Children take their emotional cues from you. When they see you managing stress rather than hiding it, they learn that change is something families can handle together. If you feel upset, name it calmly: “I’m feeling sad today, but I know this feeling will pass.” We call this ‘name it and tame it’, and it shows children that they are allowed to feel sad, hurt or worried and that talking about these feelings is healthy.
4. Keep children out of adult conflict
Avoid criticising your ex in front of your children or asking them to carry messages. They should never feel caught between you. Instead, create space for them to talk openly about both homes without fear of upsetting either parent.
5. Build a new kind of relationship with your ex
Think of coparenting as a new partnership, not an extension of the old relationship. You are no longer a couple, but you still share a family. A calm, business-like tone helps to separate past emotions from current responsibilities.
6. Use small gestures of goodwill
Before raising a difficult topic, begin with a simple acknowledgement: “I know you’ve had a busy week, thank you for taking them to training.” Small recognitions help lower tension and remind both parents that cooperation is possible.
7. Ask for help when things stay stuck
If resentment keeps resurfacing or communication always turns hostile, it may help to bring in a neutral third party. Relational and child-inclusive mediation can help parents rebuild trust and understand the patterns that keep conflict alive.
We know that some of this is easier said than done. If you’d like help navigating your coparenting relationship, book a free consultation and see how we can help you and your family move forward.